May.

Monthly summaries remind me of the blogs we had in our mid-teens when we used it as a substitute for a lack of ideas and content. Maybe that's what I'm doing now as well, but I'm telling myself that I like the transparency. Goals are personal and vulnerable, and give an insight in what I reflect on and feel the need to change/improve, unlike the otherwise filtered (one way or another) content I provide on social media platforms.

In May I wanted to

Create two node.js apps

I .. don't feel my best coding wise these days. I feel like I've forgotten things I once knew, even the very basics, and I find myself stagnating way more than I'm comfortable with. There are still so many plugins and libraries and scenarios I haven't touched yet, that change the conditions of what I already know. Experience, we call that. And what do you do when you lack experience? You do things to gain it.

This didn't happen, though. I went back to basic JavaScript instead, reciting the parts of it that I haven't used much since I started working as a developer, making the decision to use ES6 from now on (not a mix), and mapping exactly what's holding me back. Let's try again in June.

Read two books

After I bought myself a Kindle in April I've found reading to be a whole lot easier, and I love how accessible new books are and how easy it is to take with me everywhere. So this one, I managed!

I've read

  1. "Neverwhere" by Neil Gaiman, his first novel, and .. I liked it. Not as much as the other books I've read by him, but he's still in a league of his own. Such a brilliant man.
  2. "Flux" by Orion Carloto, an addition to my "getting back into reading poetry" projects. I love the indie vibe I get from the urban poets of my generations: refreshing and bold, liberating and vulnerable.
  3. "Learn Node in One day" by Krishna Rungta. This was a bit meh, even though I liked what it tried to do. I feel like he mixed a very practical approach to getting started and a very theoretical one, which isn't inherently bad, it just didn't work for me. I like reading about how the technology works, and then use it to make things afterwards.
  4. "The Call of the Cthulhu" by H. P. Lovecraft. My first Lovecraft book! I loved it, was freaked out by it, and it blended perfectly with my insomnia. So there's that.

 

Have a social media break for a week

I thought this would be difficult, but it felt like a relief. And now I've permanently deactivated my Facebook, Snapchat and Twitter, and unfollowed everyone on Instagram. IG is the only platform I feel like I still enjoy, and the only one I ended up coming back to, but I could feel how it affected me when I logged in again. I've thought that my feed was diverse, positive and loving, but, hah, it makes me feel like shit for reasons I don't manage to identify. I need to refactor and rebuild how and why I use it, who to follow and what I need from it. And for that, I need space. 🌔

Do yoga or meditation every day / explore some cool pranayama techniques

My yoga has primarily focused on the Asana – it has been a merely physical thing, as for most Western people, combining self-care, stretching and movement of the body. Which is great, but I felt the need to switch my focus to the fourth limb of yoga: Pranayama, the breath. Using different breathing techniques have deepened my meditation and yoga practice a lot. A lot. And it feels fucking amazing.

Not pick my skin

This one's personal, my friends. It's one of the only aspects of my life that I feel that I can't control, and I try regularly to change that, without really succeeding. I have this wonderful thing called dermatillomania, or compulsive skin picking (CSP), which is classified as an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) by some, and body-focused repetitive behaviour (BFRB) by others. This makes skin picking a coping mechanism for me when I have anxiety, or when I'm stressed, uncomfortable or depressed. 

I didn't succeed with this goal at all this month. I've been stressed, had quite a lot of anxiety, and a lot of things happening this month. And it sucks. I'll probably write about it when I feel better, because it's a part of my mental health that I feel ashamed of, and .. I'm not having that.

Draw once every week

I want to be good at drawing // I don't want to practice so I get better.
Once a week is not a lot, but it's more than nothing. I kind of did this, though very half-assed. I need to learn to carve out time in my daily life to consciously make mistakes, even if only on paper. 

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