And all the teachers in disguise.

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Mindless rambles: It's 21:30 on a Tuesday and I've become aware of how much my writing has changed during the recent years. How I've gone from writing about me – the subject – and my experience, to things – the objects – and concepts. It's easier in a lot of ways: It feels less vulnerable, less scary, and less personal. 

And less vulnerable, less scary and less personal is an easy path to follow when you stop paying attention. It shows in my writing and it shows in my conversations with other people. It's easier to say "x is wrong because of y" instead of "x makes me feel scared". It's more comfortable to say "z is a lazy person" instead of "z makes me feel frustrated because I don't always feel heard". And so on. But easy ≠ constructive and healthy. I think I all over feel more disconnected from both my own creativity and others because of it.

Vulnerability, guys. ✌🏻 Es muchos importante (← and guess who's on level five on Duolingo's Spanish course? Such a good millennial.) I'm trying to get better at communicating how I feel (and why). I find it o so hard, but I'm trying.

2017 → 2018.

It's that time of the year and time for clichés. I love the symbology of a new year: to take a break and review the year that was, check in and reflect on where you are and where you want to be. To be proud, to feel grief. Whatever feelings you may have neglected or forgot to feel. We can do that now, and then . •*´`*•☆             let go.

I'm very proud of the person I became in 2017. Of the choices, focus and effort I made. How much I stood up for myself. Kept on pushing. I've been vulnerable and uncomfortable, loving and grateful, fighting and panicked. : The whole spectrum, present in a year. The spiral continues.

2017: Thank you. You've been .. a ride.

In 2018 I will work on:

  1. Becoming a better programmer
  2. My creativity: drawing, writing, photography, sharing
  3. Taking up more space and respecting my own boundaries
  4. Physical strength, focusing on big lifts and flexibility
  5. Getting rid of my FOMO 
  6. Kick plastic from more parts of my life
  7. Being a better friend and partner, clearer in how I communicate and more present
  8. The parts of my mind I find the most uncomfortable and the most resistance
  9. What I find empowering when it comes to (my) femininity and sexuality
  10. Spreading love. Always love. If you can't love it, let it go. Poof. Away.

To sum it up: To be more, not less. Yes! (← Getting excited here) Let 2018 be the year where you become more of you. Let's do that shit together.

❤  Happy holidays and new year. I hope you're kind to yourself this season.

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And, for the especially interested, my wins of 2017:

  1. I finished five(!) years of studies
  2. And moved in with V
  3. Got a programming intership
  4. Got a programming job
  5. Traveled in Malawi
  6. Hit some sweet PRs in the gym
  7. Got to a good place mentally for the first time since my mid-teenage years
  8. Found more self-love
  9. Got my best friend back
  10. And all the moments of bravery in everyday life. I salute you.

100 days of code.

I've finally joined the party of 100 days of code, originally made by Alexander Kallaway. The challenge is to (you may have guessed it) code every day for 100 days. One hour, work not included. I decided to join this challenge as my new job is making me very aware of my weaknesses as a programmer, and I know the work I need to put into it to get better has to be a conscious decision.

You see, I'm rather terrible at learning. Half because I don't really know where to start and how to keep going, half because I have the need to be excellent at everything I do. And those two things combined make it really hard for me to try new things, and to push through stagnation and rough times. Just during these four days since I started the challenge, I've seen so many cool things I want to try/learn, but I know myself well enough to foresee that I'll probably do a bit of all, half-assed, and not really develop my skills much.

Thus, I've decided to dedicate these 100 days to (vanilla) JavaScript. My darling, my bae, and my sometimes very frustrating weapon of choice. I will primarily work on logic and algorithms – both way out of my comfort zone. You can follow my little journey on my Twitter and my GitHub. And this is the original repo of the challenge if you want to join yourself.

Here's to 100 days of no CSS escapes and dreams about Python.
Cheers!

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Big sis talk: fix your solidarity game.

(Big sis talk is me loving you like you were the little sister I never had. Usually it will be tough love, but love nonetheless. If you're only going to pay attention to one part of the blog: this is it.)

People throw away their support, compassion and solidarity so unbelievably easy, even within their own intersections.
TL;DR: don't be that person.

If you haven’t experienced any discrimination or difficulties from being a woman in the tech industry, please understand that many women have and continue to support them. If you remember coming out as queer as easy and a relief, please understand that many others experience the complete opposite and continue to support them. If you feel good about your own body and never had a problem with acceptance, please understand that so many men and women around you are struggling, and continue to support them. If you got a trial after someone assaulted you and you’re coping well with the trauma, please understand that most people will go without a trial and that some struggle with trauma for the rest of their lives, and continue to support them.

I could go on with intersections and issues I’m not a part of as well. I see my sisters of colour being shamed and turned their back on when they speak of colourism, by people of their own race and gender. Trans women making thousands of dollars from being anti-feminists and anti-LGBTQIA on YouTube. White women turning their backs on women of colour whenever they can/whenever things start to feel uncomfortable.

The energy you gain from having a positive experience, being free, safe and able, and your privilege must be used to fight for others to have the same rights and experience. It should come naturally to you, but if it doesn't: work on it, fix your shit. Don't be that person.

I love this stuff #1.

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