July was: a month of travel and love and everything refreshing. July was not: a month of work and productivity. I haven't trained, I haven't kept up with my ~*~goalz~*~ (as I've said earlier, having goals really helps me moving when I'm in a rut, so I don't know why I'm sassing the concept here), and the mere thought of coding has made me gag. But July was good nonetheless.
Quick note before my wall of text: I've started learning Spanish! With an actual course and an actual teacher, so I'm making actual progress. I'm quite stoked about it and it's really all I want to talk about. That and aliens. Great.
Even though my powerlifting is on a break now I've started walking way more than I've done in a while. My goal this month was one walk (min. 40 minutes) a week, and one interval running session a week whenever I'm home. Most of my walks end up being very long phone calls with my Papi RINS, but I've been on one mountain hike and it felt good to be back on that track. Another goal was to do three yoga sessions a week when I'm home, and that just didn't happen. I've started incorporating stretching into my workout routine, though. That's fun.
I've read a lot this month! I started listening to "The Strain" by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan as an audiobook, but to be honest, it was fucking scary and I don't deal well with scary stuff. My plan is to continue to listen to it when I'm back home and safe with my partner, but until then I'll .. just leave it.
But I've finished:
- "What a time to be alone" by Chidera Eggerue aka @theslumflower. I loved this book. It was short and sweet and full of healthy reminders. I recommend buying the physical version though, as the Kindle edition removes basically all of the aesthetics and visual art of this book, which ruins the overall experience.
- "Body positive power" by Megan Crabbe aka @bodyposipanda. I don't exaggerate when I say that this is maybe one of the most important books I've ever read (for me personally). It taught me so much about the diet industry, what dieting does to your body, and some harsh realities about life. As someone who has struggled with an ED and body confidence all my life it felt like this book lifted my recovery to the next level. The level where I understand that I'll never look like certain people and that's okay, and I can move on with my life and focus my energy elsewhere. And eat whatever I want. It's marvellous.
- "The subtle art of not giving a f**k" by Mark Manson. Didn't think I was going to like this book – liked this book. This also taught me a lot and gave me some good tools to restructure my thinking and .. chill.
- "The road less travelled" by Scott M. Peck. I honestly didn't even finish this properly, that's how much I didn't like it. I'm sure this was brilliant when it first came out, but I've read so many books (both new and old) about the same concepts that are way better. I don't necessarily disagree with his message either, I just hated his writing, "white middle-aged man" rhetoric, and the way he looked at mental health and diagnosis (which he mentions in every other sentence) is very out dated and total trash.
As I've already mentioned, I'm in the middle of a programming burnout and I can't think of a thing I'd rather not do. So I've spent this month trying to do other stuff, figuring out why I'm so sick of it and change what I need to change. I believe I'm tired after a stressful spring and early summer at work, where I encountered a lot of problems I couldn't fix on my own. That on top of a stressful work environment was really discouraging. Hopefully, I'll manage to get my self-esteem and motivation back by doing smaller projects and play it safe with things I'm good at for a while.
I wanted to focus more on cognitive therapy this summer. I'm working my way through the Why I'm Not Happy List to fix as much as I can, my thought process included. Combined with some inspiring reading, a good holiday, and getting rid of people that really didn't do anything good for me, I do feel less shit now. I've been .. happy this month. Happy and content, in a way I don't think I've been in years. I've done a lot of good ol' soul searching, got some new perspective, and managed to untangle things that have been messy for a while. My mood swings are less persistent, I feel more grounded, and my thoughts are calmer and less dramatic. And tbh, that's all I've wanted for a while.